


Restlessness

by TheDalishWarden



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Homesickness, Mild Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-28 23:47:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3874426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDalishWarden/pseuds/TheDalishWarden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mahariel misses her clan, but a companion reminds her that she's not quite as alone as she might feel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Restlessness

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first in an upcoming series of Mahariel-centric drabbles~ The opinions and relationships are based on the experiences of my own personal Mahariel, but I feel like there's not enough love for Dalish Wardens, so beyond her sex she'll be kept pretty vague in these stories unless it's specifically tagged with her name.

Sleeping in this new camp was sometimes more difficult that Mahariel had anticipated.

Back home, there was always something nearby to distract Mahariel from the silence of night, whether it was the rustling of the leaves in the wind, the warm cracking of the nearby campfire, or the faint bleating of the halla in their pens. Sometimes it was the gentle breaths and quiet snores of whichever clanmates she was sharing an aravel with that night, or the stories Hahren Paivel would whisper to the children whenever one of them was shaken from their sleep by a nightmare.

Most often it was the poorly muffled whispers of Tamlen and Fenarel, who insisted on discussing every little thing that they discovered on their daily patrols well into the night, no matter how often she rolled over to swat at their arms and ask them to go to sleep already. But even then, when it became clear that they just weren't going to shut up she typically just rolled over and joined in on their conversation, sharing stories and stifling their laughter behind their hands until they finally obeyed the shushing of an elder.

Though it was hardly the same as her clan's encampment, the camp she now shared with her new companions was usually loud enough to distract her form her thoughts. So much of it was familiar, yet still so unfamiliar to her..

The sound of the fire constantly crackling through the night was the same, but instead of Paivel's reciting familiar stories it was Leliana, sitting near her tent and singing songs that Mahariel didn't know. Instead of the playful bantering of Tamlen and Fenarel, it was Alistair and Zevran bickering over something trivial. Instead of the halla bleating and pawing the ground, it was Ohgren's snoring and belching echoing through the camp. It was Sten making a racket with her Mabari, not Maren gently soothing the halla when the wolves howled too closely for their liking. It was Morrigan standing on the outskirts of the camp, not Junar taking the first watch so she could sleep an hour longer. It was Wynne, sometimes so caring but still always chastising, not Ashalle and her firm but comforting words.

There were no little children, talking and giggling hours after they'd been sent to bed by the Keeper. There was no Ilen, working on his crafts late into the night until Vinell finally convinced him to stop working long enough to listen to a story or two from Paivel.

There was no Merrill to share secrets with, and no Marethari to reassure her constant doubts. There was no Junar, sitting beside her and cracking ridiculous jokes until he finally got her to smile when she felt down. No Paivel, telling her some of the happier tales about her parents now that she knew the truth about what happened to them. No Maren, letting her help tend to the halla for a day or so when the snow came early and a chain of unsuccessful hunts left her frustrated. There was no Tamlen.. at all.

She didn't dislike the ones surrounding her now, not in the least. They were her companions, her friends. They made her laugh and roll her eyes at times, and sometimes they did help ease the doubts weighing on her mind, but it just wasn't the same as being with her clan no matter how might she might have come to care for all of them. They weren't her family, they were just.. there.

The canvas tent above her head suddenly feels too small, too constricting, and Mahariel quickly sits up, throwing her blanket off of her with a heavy sigh. To her relief, the quiet chattering outside the tent doesn't cease so she hadn't been overheard, but she still moves quietly as she slips a pair of trousers and her tunic on, foregoing her shoes as she slips out of her tent unnoticed and strides away from the camp. Wynn and Ohgren were both sleeping already, Sten was across the camp growling at her Mabari again, and Zevran, Leliana, and Alistair seemed to be in a heated debate about which city made the best cheese. None of them glance her way as she slips out of the tent, and for that she's grateful.

Mahariel makes a beeline for the trees lining the outskirts of the camp, still listening to the fading noise behind her to make sure that she hadn't been spotted and called out by one of her companions, but soon their voices have fallen into nothing more than a distant hum, and Mahariel finally stops walking once she's under the shade of a large oak tree.

She exhales deeply as she falls back against the broad trunk, her eyes sliding shut as she takes a moment to drink in the soft sound of leaves above her and the long grass beneath her, all of it rustling in the steady wind. Crickets chirp nearby, bolder here than the ones closer to the activities of the camp. A small brook babbles a short distance away, the sound of the gently rushing water nearly drowning out the occasional croaking of a frog. Something rustles in the grass nearby, but when Mahariel opens her eyes she investigate the noise she spots a skinny doe wandering through the fields beside her. She can't help but let out a quiet sigh. It's a lovely creature, but compared to the stark white of the halla pelt, a brown doe was dull in comparison.

She pushes the rogue deer from her mind and closes her eyes again to focus on the caress of the wind against her face, and the sturdy bark pressing firmly but not uncomfortably against her back.  This is familiar. This is what she knows, and she feels more at ease here by this tree than she has in weeks. It didn't compare to some of the forests she and her clan had traveled through, but it was something..

Mahariel's ear twitches when she suddenly hears the sound of footsteps approaching her, but she relaxes as soon as she recognizes the familiar stride of the man approaching her. Anyone else and she'd have already asked them to leave her be, just for one night, but in this case, his company was the exception..

“You feeling homesick again?” Alistair asks with a knowing look as he walks over to join her, and Mahariel sighs again before nodding. This wasn't the first time she'd slipped away from camp to be on her own. She'd done it countless times before, but Alistair rarely came to join her, instead choosing to wait up at the camp until she'd returned. He didn't question where she went at first, but eventually his curiosity finally won out against his hesitations. There weren't many secrets between them nowadays anyway, and having Alistair know was better to her than nobody knowing.

"Just thinking about my clan again," Mahariel replies quietly. Alistair nods with a noncommittal hum as he steps close and leans against the tree trunk beside her, folding his arms over his chest as he settles back. A silence falls between them but it's a comfortable and familiar silence at this point.

Really, as much as she tried to convince herself that she preferred to be alone during nights like this, she was always grateful for Alistair's company. Mahariel was sure that all of her companions were homesick to an extent, but Alistair.. He was different. He bore the same weight of being one of the few remaining Grey Wardens that she did, and the struggles they'd faced together before all of the others banded up had given Alistair an advantage when it came to earning her camaraderie, one that had taken them from acquaintances to friends and then finally to lovers while the others remained on the path to earning her trust and approval.

“You know when I left them to go with Duncan,” Mahariel starts quietly, and in the corner of her eye she sees Alistair turn his head to look down at her, “he told me that I'd probably never see my clan again, but.. at the time, I don't think that I really understood the weight of his words. I didn't bid my clan farewell and think that I'd truly never see their faces again.. I just thought to myself, once I get the cure I can leave and return home. I could go back to my clan good as new, and everything would be the way that it was before, but..”

“But it never works out the way we think it will, huh?” Alistair finishes with a soft sigh, one that told her that he knew exactly what she was talking about, and Mahariel huffs quietly before nodding in agreement.

“Such is the life of a Grey Warden, I suppose..” Mahariel mutters, her expression falling as she slumps back against the tree again. She sees Alistair's expression fall a little, but she doesn't look his way again until he suddenly reaches over, brushing his fingers against her knuckles before reaching further and entwining his fingers with hers, his palm warm against her own. Mahariel glances down at their joined hands briefly before looking up at the man beside her, and she can't help but smile when she sees the warm look on his face.

“Hey, it's not all bad though, right?” Alistair asks her quietly, flashing her that charming smile of his that had won her over in the first place. "I know we're not your clan but we're not such terrible company, right?"

Mahariel smiles up at him again before finally shaking her head, giving his hand a gentle squeeze of affection before she leans over to press herself against his side, her eyes sliding shut again as she listens to the gentle sounds still buzzing around them and relishing the warmth of the man pressing himself against her. Alistair shifts beside her, raising her hand up to his mouth to gently kiss her knuckles before he relaxes against her as well, his cheek pressing down against the top of her head.

“Would you still do it, Mahariel?” Alistair suddenly asks after a long period of silence between them, and she can't held but notice that his grip on her hand just barely tightens. “Would you go back to join your clan right now if you could?”

Mahariel doesn't answer right away, instead weighing his question in her mind before she finally straightens up and meets his gaze with a firm shakes her head, and she practically sees the flood of relief that fills Alistair's tawny eyes.

“I.. I actually don't think so.. I still love my clan and I'd love to visit them if I could, but.. that's just not my life anymore.” Mahariel replies as she leans over and rests her head against Alistair's bicep, and she smiles when Alistair leans down again to kiss the top of her head. “Besides, like you said, being a Grey Warden stuck with saving Ferelden isn't _all_ bad.”

“It does have it's perks,” Alistair agrees with a grin, drawing his hand away from hers to wrap his arms around her shoulders instead before settling back against the tree again, holding Mahariel against him as another companionable silence falls over the pair once more.


End file.
